November 30, 2010 § Leave a comment
Fun facts about the pebble-sized colorful chewy candy.
Fact 1: Skittles were originally a British candy. Unfortunately, the word “skittles” sounds about the same with a British accent as it does in English. Oh well.
Fact 2: The Skittles candy advertising slogan is “taste the rainbow.” But its a lie. You can’t taste the rainbow. Not in Skittle form, at least. The original flavor bag of Skittles features red, purple, yellow, orange, and green skittles… but no blue. Apparently the Wrigley Jr. Company has lied to us. The nerve! Now, you can find blue Skittles in the tropical flavored pack, but not in the original.
Fact 3: Skittles is also the name of a game, a type of bowling that is played on the grass and is too complicated to explain here. It has been suggested that the name actually comes from the onomatopoeic word that describes the noise made when the parts of the game fall down.
Fact 4: The chewy rainbow candy can be fun for adults as well as kids, in the form of Skittles Vodka. I’m not kidding. There’s a recipe online. Drink the rainbow responsibly.
Fact 5: The LGTB community has stolen the slogan. No fair!
Fact 6: You can follow Skittles on twitter (@skittles). Follow the rainbow (minus blue). Here’s @Skittles’ post from last October: “Halloween, the only day I can get away with dressing like myself.”
November 26, 2010 § Leave a comment
Black Friday is upon us again and stores are opening way before some people open their eyes from post-Thanksgiving-dinner slumber. The following list represents only some of the stores offering black Friday deals: Amazon, Express, Sam’s Club, Sears, American Eagle, Best Buy, Apple, Office Depot, Pac Sun, Toys R Us, New York and Company, Old Navy, Aeropostale, and Target. One of the earliest door-openings is Kohls at 12:00 a.m.; others are opening at 3, 4, and 5 a.m., offering the best deals at the earliest hours on a first-come first-serve basis.
The commercial industry knows that if it offers the possibility of a bargain, ordinary people will drive out to the stores to shop for clothes and office supplies and toys at 3 a.m. And if you don’t fall asleep at the wheel and crash your car, you might end up cashing in on some of that bargain.
November 24, 2010 § Leave a comment
Bored Guy 1: Let’s make a new candy!
Bored Guy 2: Ok. How about little sugar pills that come in straight foil wrappers?
1:Sounds good. We’ll add different colors and flavors. But we need a more interesting presentation.
2: How about putting it in a toy? People love toys.
1: Yeah but it has to be small and cheap. Let’s make one that dispenses the candy pills!
2: Wait wait wait wait listen to this — we’ll fashion them after popular cartoons. They’ll be sure to sell!
1: So how will people get the candy out?
2: They’ll flip the characters head back and the candy will come out the neck.
1: The neck?!?!?
2: Have any better suggestions?
1: No. What will we call this neck-dispensing gadget?
2: I don’t know. Pick a letter between a and z.
1: P. Your turn.
1: PZ doesn’t spell anything!
2: Yes it does. PZ.
The First People To Try Pez: I’ve always dreamed of tipping back the head of a little plastic voodoo doll to get a tart little colored sugar pill out of the doll’s neck!
(PEZ actually has a rather interesting history. It was created in Austria in a peppermint factory, which is the reason for the outlandish name — p, e, and z are letters from the German word for peppermints. Eduard Haas created the candy in the early 20th century, marketing them first in a rectangular metal tin which was later replaced by a small dispenser to be used by adults as breath mints. PEZ wasn’t marketed to children until the 50s. The U.S. supposedly consumes roughly 3 billion of the little candies each year. For the real history of PEZ, visit http://www.pez.com/index.php)
November 22, 2010 § 2 Comments
Joking about terrible diseases is a terrible thing to do, because thousands of people worldwide are afflicted with, debilitated from, and killed by the horrendous maladies so unfortunately ubiquitous amongst mankind. But for some reason, making fun of these illnesses is one of the funniest jokes available. I watched a show on MTV with some of my friends called “True Life,” a show that finds kids with some kind of defect and follows them around for a couple weeks documenting their difficult life. This particular episode was about a couple of kids who suffered from Tourettes Syndrome. The show incited disgust and sympathy amongst my friends, but that is as far as our benefactorial spirits would take us. The remainder of the weekend was not spent raising support money for Tourrettes research or thanking god that True Life isn’t making episodes about us; rather, it was spent jokingly excusing every fumble with “I have Tourettes.” It was funny, and it never got old. (And believe me, there was a lot of stumbling and tripping and dropping things that summer weekend.) We probably could have marketed our own show — “True Life: We’re Horribly Insensitive But We Don’t Care.”
But I don’t think are actions are as disrespectful as they first appear. True, no healthy person should mock another less healthy person. But I think laughing about it is partially a cover up of our fear that it could happen to us. Additionally, speaking lightheartedly about evil traumas is our own way of celebrating the fact that we don’t have that disease. Everyone’s going to die someday of one thing or another, so while we’re healthy we eat drink and merrily mock those not so fortunate. Because soon enough, karma will catch up and it will be our turn to fall.
November 20, 2010 § Leave a comment
So there’s this kiddie show called “Charlie and Lola.” It’s about these two little 2D cartoon British kids who go around doing ordinary daily things like eating and schoolwork and recycling newspapers to save the earth. For some reason, little kids love it. The show, while mundane, has a unique charm, and I have at times been drawn in if not by the cute characters than by the effect of a well-turned British phrase on a case of sheer boredom. (“I feel absolutely completely dreadful, Chawlie!”)
While I was watching one day, Charlie and Lola were enjoying their afternoon snack: biscuits (that’s the British word for cookie) and milk. PINK milk. Pink milk is their favorite.
Why do little kids love turning food wrong colors? For some reason, it’s fun for them. Breakfast cereal, candy, juice, jelly, you name it — people marketing to younguns make sure its sopping with Red #40 and Blue #5. If you don’t believe me, check the grocery store. And then when people graduate from childhood and get their I-Am-Now-Officially-A-Boring-Adult diploma they suddenly think wrongly-colored food disgusting. Instead of Fruit Loops they eat Raisin Bran without the raisins and and the Frosted Flakes without the frosting and Lucky Charms without the lucky or the charms.
I dare you to re-release your inner child and put food coloring in everything you eat and drink for an entire day, and enjoy it. Pink milk. Absolutely and completely charming, Chawlie.
November 19, 2010 § Leave a comment
I’ve discovered the ultimate cop-out. Here it is.
Seriously, use it for anything — If someone tells you you’re a jerk, if you’re having a bad day, if you yell for no reason, if you crash your car — anything bad you do can be excused with those two little words. Think of any bad thing you could do that would not be absolved with that statement. Maybe you’re offended by this post. Maybe it seems sacrilegious, or disrespectful, or contrary to your beliefs or maybe it offends your lacking sense of humor. But I don’t care, and it really doesn’t matter what you think anyway. Because, well….
November 18, 2010 § Leave a comment
Gatorade’s newest marketing campaign involves different stages of juice designed for different stages of performance. It is designed for athletes who supposedly need different types of chemicals before, during, and after their sporting event or competition or workout. Granted, this is true to an extent, but I doubt Gatorade has the capacity to fully meet these needs. Has anyone done a scientific study on this? I’m curious if Gatorade 1, 2, and 3 are really far superior than a bottle of sugar+salt+water. Just a thought.