December 3, 2010 § Leave a comment
You. Yes you. Giant inflatable hamster ball. Your name is Zorb and you will be forever mine.
Ah, what I wouldn’t give to be a hamster for a day (almost nothing). But I’ve always envied those little vertical carousels that hamsters get in their cages. I like watching them go round and round, running until their little rodent feet tire from the exhaustion that comes from running a metal treadmill for hours on end. My longing days are over — now that humans have invented a gigantic version, I can have the same exhausting dizzying experience! It’s a new sport called Globe Riding, and according to Zorb.com, the official definition is as follows: “The sport of rolling down a hill in a large inflatable globe.” The company is based in New Zealand but they have an option for people in the U.S. to order tickets internationally. You can do it wet or dry, slow or fast, but this experience is not for the weak of heart, or stomach. The ball is operated by the Zorb company, who controls the rides.
I don’t plan on going Down Under any time soon, so instead of a ticket to Zorb, I’d rather you simply invest in a human hamster ball just for me so I can do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL9dFYzHo88
p.s. one time my hamster rolled down the stairs in his hamster ball and lived!
November 26, 2010 § Leave a comment
Black Friday is upon us again and stores are opening way before some people open their eyes from post-Thanksgiving-dinner slumber. The following list represents only some of the stores offering black Friday deals: Amazon, Express, Sam’s Club, Sears, American Eagle, Best Buy, Apple, Office Depot, Pac Sun, Toys R Us, New York and Company, Old Navy, Aeropostale, and Target. One of the earliest door-openings is Kohls at 12:00 a.m.; others are opening at 3, 4, and 5 a.m., offering the best deals at the earliest hours on a first-come first-serve basis.
The commercial industry knows that if it offers the possibility of a bargain, ordinary people will drive out to the stores to shop for clothes and office supplies and toys at 3 a.m. And if you don’t fall asleep at the wheel and crash your car, you might end up cashing in on some of that bargain.
November 24, 2010 § Leave a comment
Bored Guy 1: Let’s make a new candy!
Bored Guy 2: Ok. How about little sugar pills that come in straight foil wrappers?
1:Sounds good. We’ll add different colors and flavors. But we need a more interesting presentation.
2: How about putting it in a toy? People love toys.
1: Yeah but it has to be small and cheap. Let’s make one that dispenses the candy pills!
2: Wait wait wait wait listen to this — we’ll fashion them after popular cartoons. They’ll be sure to sell!
1: So how will people get the candy out?
2: They’ll flip the characters head back and the candy will come out the neck.
1: The neck?!?!?
2: Have any better suggestions?
1: No. What will we call this neck-dispensing gadget?
2: I don’t know. Pick a letter between a and z.
1: P. Your turn.
1: PZ doesn’t spell anything!
2: Yes it does. PZ.
The First People To Try Pez: I’ve always dreamed of tipping back the head of a little plastic voodoo doll to get a tart little colored sugar pill out of the doll’s neck!
(PEZ actually has a rather interesting history. It was created in Austria in a peppermint factory, which is the reason for the outlandish name — p, e, and z are letters from the German word for peppermints. Eduard Haas created the candy in the early 20th century, marketing them first in a rectangular metal tin which was later replaced by a small dispenser to be used by adults as breath mints. PEZ wasn’t marketed to children until the 50s. The U.S. supposedly consumes roughly 3 billion of the little candies each year. For the real history of PEZ, visit http://www.pez.com/index.php)
November 21, 2010 § Leave a comment
If you skateboard, you are allowed to wear Etnies. But if you do not skateboard, stay away from Etnies. Because if you wear Etnies people will think you skateboard, and if you do not skateboard then you are lying to the public. Along the same line.. Only surfers and people from Australia should wear Billabong. Only olympic swimmers can wear Speedo. Adidas is only for soccer players and only football players can wear UnderArmour. Lacoste is only for tennis players and Timberland boots are only for mountain men and construction workers, and camoflage is only to be worn in the forest and in war.
I hope by now you realize I’m joking.