November 30, 2010 § Leave a comment
Fun facts about the pebble-sized colorful chewy candy.
Fact 1: Skittles were originally a British candy. Unfortunately, the word “skittles” sounds about the same with a British accent as it does in English. Oh well.
Fact 2: The Skittles candy advertising slogan is “taste the rainbow.” But its a lie. You can’t taste the rainbow. Not in Skittle form, at least. The original flavor bag of Skittles features red, purple, yellow, orange, and green skittles… but no blue. Apparently the Wrigley Jr. Company has lied to us. The nerve! Now, you can find blue Skittles in the tropical flavored pack, but not in the original.
Fact 3: Skittles is also the name of a game, a type of bowling that is played on the grass and is too complicated to explain here. It has been suggested that the name actually comes from the onomatopoeic word that describes the noise made when the parts of the game fall down.
Fact 4: The chewy rainbow candy can be fun for adults as well as kids, in the form of Skittles Vodka. I’m not kidding. There’s a recipe online. Drink the rainbow responsibly.
Fact 5: The LGTB community has stolen the slogan. No fair!
Fact 6: You can follow Skittles on twitter (@skittles). Follow the rainbow (minus blue). Here’s @Skittles’ post from last October: “Halloween, the only day I can get away with dressing like myself.”
November 27, 2010 § Leave a comment
At my orientation, I was required to attend the activities fair. One table in the corner representing a group was trying to attract new students by handing out free Laffy Taffy. But you weren’t allowed to take one until they read you several of the horrible jokes on the wrapper. They didn’t get many new club members that day. I’m still a little bitter about it, and so I wrote this post hating on Laffy Taffy. (Actually I just ate a piece out of boredom and sort of choked.) So here for your viewing and tasting pleasure is a list of the five things I hate about you, LaffyTaffy.
- The only thing “laffy” about Laffy Taffy is that there is nothing funny about it.
- Laffy Taffy is not taffy. Laffy Taffy is kind of like an edible version of that blue gunk you put on the back of picture frames so you don’t have to pound nails into your wall. On second thought, why not buy the blue gunk and eat that instead? It’d be cheaper and probably taste about the same.
- The jokes on Laffy Taffy are not funny.
- Nothing should ever be flavored “banana” except for bananas.
- Laffy Taffy is just like silly-putty except it doesn’t come in a cool little plastic egg.
And for your additional entertainment (and for all you nay-saying pro-laffy-taffy-ers) here are some of the laffytastic jokes I found on the wrappers.
Q: How do you get an alien baby to sleep? A: You rocket
Q: What is a buccaneer? A: Expensive corn
Q: Johnny, what is the definition of infinity? A: Tonight’s homework assignment
Q: What starts with T, is full of T, and ends with T? A: A teapot.
Buhdum..ching! Now you have suffered your first right of initiation to the college freshmen club of bad humor. Laffy Taffy! There’s a joke on every wrapper! Eat flavored putty marketed as candy and the joke’s on you.
November 25, 2010 § Leave a comment
Here is a compilation of Thanksgiving quotations from a variety of internet sources. I only like the ones by Stewart and Leno, but I figured I should include some serious ones as well to avoid appearing to trivialize the holiday. (But who am I kidding?)
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet
“Our rural ancestors, with little blest,
Patient of labour when the end was rest,
Indulged the day that housed their annual grain,
With feasts, and off’rings, and a thankful strain.”
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” –Jon Stewart
“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.” – Gerald Good
“The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.” -H.U. Westermayer
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” – Jay Leno
November 24, 2010 § Leave a comment
Bored Guy 1: Let’s make a new candy!
Bored Guy 2: Ok. How about little sugar pills that come in straight foil wrappers?
1:Sounds good. We’ll add different colors and flavors. But we need a more interesting presentation.
2: How about putting it in a toy? People love toys.
1: Yeah but it has to be small and cheap. Let’s make one that dispenses the candy pills!
2: Wait wait wait wait listen to this — we’ll fashion them after popular cartoons. They’ll be sure to sell!
1: So how will people get the candy out?
2: They’ll flip the characters head back and the candy will come out the neck.
1: The neck?!?!?
2: Have any better suggestions?
1: No. What will we call this neck-dispensing gadget?
2: I don’t know. Pick a letter between a and z.
1: P. Your turn.
1: PZ doesn’t spell anything!
2: Yes it does. PZ.
The First People To Try Pez: I’ve always dreamed of tipping back the head of a little plastic voodoo doll to get a tart little colored sugar pill out of the doll’s neck!
(PEZ actually has a rather interesting history. It was created in Austria in a peppermint factory, which is the reason for the outlandish name — p, e, and z are letters from the German word for peppermints. Eduard Haas created the candy in the early 20th century, marketing them first in a rectangular metal tin which was later replaced by a small dispenser to be used by adults as breath mints. PEZ wasn’t marketed to children until the 50s. The U.S. supposedly consumes roughly 3 billion of the little candies each year. For the real history of PEZ, visit http://www.pez.com/index.php)