Grumpy Taffy

November 27, 2010 § Leave a comment

At my orientation, I was required to attend the activities fair. One table in the corner representing a group was trying to attract new students by handing out free Laffy Taffy. But you weren’t allowed to take one until they read you several of the horrible jokes on the wrapper. They didn’t get many new club members that day. I’m still a little bitter about it, and so I wrote this post hating on Laffy Taffy. (Actually I just ate a piece out of boredom and sort of choked.) So here for your viewing and tasting pleasure is a list of the five things I hate about you, LaffyTaffy.

  1. The only thing “laffy” about Laffy Taffy is that there is nothing funny about it.
  2. Laffy Taffy is not taffy. Laffy Taffy is kind of like an edible version of that blue gunk you put on the back of picture frames so you don’t have to pound nails into your wall. On second thought, why not buy the blue gunk and eat that instead? It’d be cheaper and probably taste about the same.
  3. The jokes on Laffy Taffy are not funny.
  4. Nothing should ever be flavored “banana” except for bananas.
  5. Laffy Taffy is just like silly-putty except it doesn’t come in a cool little plastic egg.

And for your additional entertainment (and for all you nay-saying pro-laffy-taffy-ers) here are some of the laffytastic jokes I found on the wrappers.

Q: How do you get an alien baby to sleep? A: You rocket

Q: What is a buccaneer? A: Expensive corn

Q: Johnny, what is the definition of infinity? A: Tonight’s homework assignment

Q: What starts with T, is full of T, and ends with T? A: A teapot.

Buhdum..ching! Now you have suffered your first right of initiation to the college freshmen club of bad humor. Laffy Taffy! There’s a joke on every wrapper! Eat flavored putty marketed as candy and the joke’s on you.

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